Comic transcript

Broccoli: Hello, Lady Doris, how is the weather?

Doris: The weather is lovely actually! Thank you for asking.

I see you are having a tea party without me.

Broccoli: No. Not a "party". No one else here HA HA

Doris: Broccoli, you can't hide things from me.

Broccoli looks panicked.

Doris lifts the tablecloth.

Doris: I know Waffles is under the table-

Waffles: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!

Broccoli: Aw heck- You got me!

Doris: Surely you would prefer to teatime with... Someone who will actually drink it?

Broccoli: He will one day!

Waffles: I will not... Not ever.

Doris: So... How was your...weather?

Broccoli: ...TORNADO!

Doris: Care to elaborate?

Broccoli: Nah

I was just being honest because of rule 10. But I don't wanna bum you out.

Doris: It's quite alright... I know you are still upset about that tree you liked.

Broccoli: Yeah! Yeah I am...actually.

Doris: Well prepare to be NOT upset because I have something exciting to show you!

...

Doris: It's a tiny olive tree! This one is very small and cannot speak. It will never betray you.

... Are you still upset-

Broccoli: No no, it's fine. I mean you are trying and I uh... I appreciate that!

...

Lady Doris can I...use the blue door?

Doris: Oh? But I do not have a mission for you, Broccoli.

I thought we could spend a day or two together. Make some animal shaped desserts maybe - or I could teach you some new crochet patterns.

I have a rather unprecedented amount of free time, because... Oh how do I put this... A malevolent force I have contended with for four hundred years has mysteriously ceased all activity!

Broccoli: Woaw

Doris: So now I have all the time in the world for my favourite little poppet!

...

Doris: You may express joy.

...

Broccoli: I NEED to use the blue door please-

Doris: why? Wouldn't you rather exist in the VOID? It is the only place which is perfectly Polite and Good.

Broccoli: Lady Doris there's nothing here.

...

...

Doris: I'm here.

Broccoli: RIGHT! of course. I...love the VOID and I love you! In fact...

I love you SO MUCH that I frequently venture outside this...serence and changeless place to go on missions! Even though I would much prefer to have tea with my very best friend... I... I need to help make the worlds Polite and Good!

Doris: You... really want another mission?

Well... I suppose... that is very Polite and Good of you.

...

Doris frowns.

Doris: There is a rather pressing problem that must be dealt with... An enormous tear in the fabric of reality that is causing some... INTERDIMENSIONAL BLEEDING.

Each and every cosmic attendant I have sent to patch it up has been either dismembered, died of third degree burns, or got distracted by a bug and forgot!

Somehow- This is the work of mortal hands... Mortal hands with weapons they should not have...

Broccoli [thinking]: Olive...

Doris: At this point, I was just going to go down there and take care of it myself-

Broccoli: NO!

...

I-I mean you do SO MUCH, Lady Doris... How's about lettin the ol' Broccoli have a go?

Doris: Broccoli. Make no mistake. I do not need your help-

Broccoli: I can sew!

Doris snickers.

Broccoli: I can!

Doris: No no- Of course you can. I LOVE all those ridiculous little outfits you make! They're adorable!

But...sewing the fabric of reality is different. You are not yet suited for this task.

Broccoli: THEN I'LL WEAR A SUIT- GOSH! This is a problem I have to fix!

Doris: You will fail.

Broccoli does a cute little angry face.

Doris: Hmm... Nothing I say will convince you of this. Come along then.

Doris rips a tear in the fabric of space, gesturing Broccoli to follow.